“A Poisonous relationship can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless. But you’re not worthless. You’re underappreciated.” – Steve Maraboli
The participants of a toxic relationship are probably the last ones to realize that their relationship is unhealthy. People on the outside notice it before the participants do and even if the outsiders try to tell the participants that the relationship is toxic, they won’t acknowledge it as the truth. They might feel that people are becoming jealous or paranoid for no reason. It is only after the relationship takes a turn for the worst and ends that they realize that people were right.
Marriage & family therapist and author Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT says, “Healthy relationships nourish and support us. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is like poison to us — instead of lifting us up, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others.”
We tend to ignore all the signs to protect ourselves; that’s how we are programmed to behave but it possible to realize the situation with some behavioural insight.
Here Are 11 Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship
1.You’re Wondering If Your Relationship Is Bad
If you’re constantly questioning yourself whether or not your relationship is worth it, it may be your subconscious telling you that something is wrong “This is your subconscious telling you something,” says Relationship expert and couples therapist Nicole McCance.
This doesn’t mean that all relationships are unhealthy because every ship rocks but if its all its doing; if its rocking all the time, it may be good to sit down and think things through.
2.You don’t feel like a priority
People in healthy relationships will always keep their partner at priority; they will do everything in their power to make you feel supported and cared for. If you feel single even when you’re in a relationship, you would better off be single.
3.If they don’t want to do something, then you can’t do it either
They’ll be really controlling. If they don’t feel like doing something they will not let you do it as well. Your opinion won’t matter to them.
In a toxic relationship, “… you are constantly put down, criticised and forced to do what is unacceptable to you and your values. When your autonomy in thoughts, words, and decisions is taken away and you start actually believing and accepting that you have no choice in any matter,” says psychotherapist and relationship counsellor Dr. Minnu Bhonsle PhD.
4.Your Friends And Family Dislike Your Partner
You might notice that your friends and family don’t like your partner. These are the people that will always look out for you and want the best for you so their opinion should be taken seriously.
5.Their problems are your problems
Again, partners should strengthen each other. If you feel like you are alone to fight your battles it means you don’t have a worthy partner. You might even have to solve their problems as well.
6. You don’t trust them
You might start feeling that they spend a little too much time around the office or with their friends but you don’t want them to feel like you don’t trust them.
Clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., says, “When there is no trust there is no foundation. You can’t address communication issues, compatibility issues, and intimacy issues if there is no trust. If you fundamentally don’t trust your partner on any level, the relationship is poisoned.”
7.You’re happier when they’re not around
This is again one big red sign that you are in a toxic relationship. When they are gone and you actually feel relieved that they are not around anymore, there must be a reason!
“If you’re all that excited to have a weekend alone, consider that the reason for your joy is that they’re draining you when they’re around. You should be happy to have a break, but not that happy,” says relationship expert and author April Masini.
8.You pay for everything
Even though you are in a relationship you have to take care of everything yourself; bills, rent, fees, grocery, maintenance and what not! Your partner (especially a man) doesn’t get off the bed and has everything served on a silver plate. This applies to men only though because they are the bread earners of the house.
9.You’re constantly worried about breaking up
You get worried on the most trivial of stuff and seem to over think every little detail, worrying that it might just be the end of the relationship. It may also mean that you might be paranoid?
10. They’re always mentally elsewhere
Either they are not interested in you anymore and always seem to have another agenda on their mind or they are genuinely unhappy with their life and may be suffering from depression.
11.You’re trying to remember the good times
When things seem to be bad always, you start to reminiscence about all the good times just to convince yourself that the relationship is still worth saving.
“If you’re starting to have thoughts like, ‘This is not like it used to be,’ ‘This is not what I signed up for,’ or ‘This doesn’t feel good anymore,’ it is possible that what was a good relationship has turned toxic. If you find that your partner doesn’t feel much like a partner or lover any longer—and he or she is bringing you down more than lifting you up, you need to rethink your relationship.” says relationship expert Sofia Milan.
When someone tells you that something is wrong with your relationship, instead of throwing caution to the wind, you should consider what they said and pay attention to your relationship.
“If you are experiencing a toxic relationship, then you likely move in and out of a state of denial about how unhealthy it truly is. At one moment you feel revulsion and at another you are making excuses and justifying your partner’s intolerable behavior,” says relationship expert, psychologist and author Jill P. Weber, PhD.